1. Lying & Secrecy
“No matter what the reason, lying destroys. Tell him or her goodbye and save yourself the heartache. Perpetual liars are not ready for a relationship, no matter how much you are attracted to him or her. Run run run!” – Boundaries in Dating
Whenever you begin building anything on a faulty foundation that thing is destined to collapse. The same is true for relationships. Honesty, trust, and communication are key components to that foundation. If you find that your partner is continuously being deceitful, shady, sneaky or secretive, it is cause for alarm. No one should ever have to wonder or question their partner and trust me, if you can’t trust them now, you will not be capable of trusting them later.
2. Disrespect Towards You or Others
“You deserve respect and appreciation. A person who doesn’t have respect for themselves will more than likely not give it to you. You have to set the standard for yourself by not allowing the insolence.” ― Amaka Imani Nkosazana
Anyone who does not respect you or others shows a major flaw in their character and the esteem that they have for themselves. Calling people names, disrespecting personal boundaries, throwing insults, treating others less than, and abusive behavior of any kind is unacceptable and should not be overlooked.
3. Isolating & Controlling
“A healthy relationship will never require you to sacrifice your friends, your dreams, or your dignity.” – Mandy Hale
If someone you are seeing seems to desire major control over what you are doing, who you are with, how you should behave and who you should be…ugh…NEXT! Your guy or girl should not only respect, cherish, and value who you are as a person, differences and all, they should also be free to be who they are as well. If their life revolves around your life and how you’re living it, it might be time to tell them to get a life and go and get on with yours. Having your own identity, friends, social media, and the privilege of a password on your phone is not only healthy, but guess what? It’s your right! After all, the only one we can control (and barely that without God’s grace) is ourselves.
4. Lack of Goals, Ambition, & Work Ethic
“Intelligence without ambition is a bird without wings.” ― Walter H. Cottingham
I am the first to say, “Life-happens.” Everyone may not be where they want to be by time they are 30. I get it. Heck, I AM IT! However, despite their circumstance or situation the question then becomes, what are they doing with their life now? Are they working towards a goal to better themselves? Do they have a job? Are they locally investing in themselves or others with their passions and gifts? Are they attending school or taking up study in a field? If not, then that’s a red flag. Being able to manage your life, hold a job, and make plans for your future are important to giving life purpose. If he or she lacks purpose, well then… what is their purpose to you as a partner?
5. Emotionally Immature
“Emotional maturity is defined by the ability to control your emotions and take full responsibility for your life along with its opportunities and dramas.”- Heart Spirit and Mind
There are few things more frustrating in dating life than committing to engage with an adult child. I dare to say, an emotionally immature person may even be more work than the relationship is worth. However, if mood swings, temper tantrums, and guilt trips are high on your list for the perfect weekend date, then you got yourself a winner! An emotionally immature person will often lack the ability to deal with conflict and differences effectively and will many times fail to take appropriate responsibility for themselves.
6. Their Past is…Their Present?
Whether it’s often bringing up a past relationship, living in the remnants of an unresolved relationship, or still being in a relationship with someone else altogether, it’s not only a red flag, it’s a yellow, orange, and green one too. Going into a new relationship should be just that, NEW! Anything less than that suggests your partner is not ready to move on and is essentially trying to make you a side boo or a rebound. Remember you are valuable not a kfc side piece, and you deserve to be appreciated. Save yourself the headache and heartache and move on while you are still ahead.
7. Doesn’t Include You in Their Life
Beginning a new relationship can be exciting, and a balancing act when trying to decide on what to share about yourself and when to share it. But, if its been some substantial time and you are beginning to notice a pattern that includes any of the following, there should be some pause for concern. – You have never met any of their friends or family. – They never seem to make time for you or you are a last-minute effort. -They never want to go out in public with you. -They don’t share any significant or intimate details about themselves with you. -They don’t really seem to take much interest in the details of your life and who you are as well. This is not authentic or genuine relationship and if you are someone who is looking for depth and longevity, this may not be the direction you wanna look.
8. Unresolved Addiction or Mental Issues
We all have our own personal struggles. No one is perfect. Just because someone has a hardship or a challenge to contend with in life does not make them any less of a viable partner, lover, and friend. It all comes down to how the individual is pursuing health and wholeness. If someone is actively engaging in addiction or refuses to address and attend to their health appropriately they are not fit to pursue you in a healthy and whole manner.
9. Failure to Commit/Too Much Too Soon
“Stop rushing me. I want to take my time falling in love with you.” ― Ai Yazawa
If you are dating someone who either A. has no expectations for a future with you, has completely different relationship goals, or won’t define the relationship, or B. Is just moving towards commitment too much too soon, look out. Both are two extremes of the same coin and both can lead to major conflict. Relationships take time and while some move faster or slower than others, moving and moving at a comfortable and agreeable pace for both parties is crucial. One moving with or without the other is a relationship moving apart.
10. They Flat Out Tell You
“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” – Maya Angelou
Lastly and most importantly, if someone tells you that they are not looking for a relationship right now, BELIEVE THEM. If they say they still want to see other people, BELIEVE THEM. If they say they are just not that into you…you guessed it, BELIEVE THEM. You can’t change someone if they don’t want to change, the same way you can’t make someone see you for all the awesome amazingness that is you and force them to want you if they dont. If someone tells you who they are, believe them. Thank them for their honesty, thank God you’re not wasting your time and move on. You deserve someone who wants you just as much as you want them!